Character - Two Quotes And An Observation

Quote 1
The skipper of the Albatross teaches his "attitude" endowed crew, "You know what's out there? Wind and rain and some damn big waves. Reefs and rocks and sandbars and enough fog at night to hide it all." Dean Preston, teenage crew member and "king hubris" asks, "So why the hell do it then?" to which the skipper responds,"It builds character Mr. Preston, of which you are in desperately short supply. The kind you only find on mountain tops, or deserts, on battle fields and across oceans."


Quote 2
"One other very interesting thing we've just found out about these wonderful kids [home schoolers] is that they tend to be active in political affairs. They tend to be joiners. They tend to be people who are engaged in civic activities - just the opposite of what people have said. ... I think these kids are so filled with mother love-You know, so much affection and devotion from their moms and dads (Dads do occasionally play a role in homeschooling; let's get in a word for dads) - that they are just supremely confident. ...It is interesting to watch them. (Homeschool kids) They are very confident, as you said. they look adults in the eye and respond to them respectfully. There is something different about homeschool boys and girls, and that difference is good." (Dr. James Dobson, Bringing Up Boys, p 192)

More often than not, something happens at home, in the home schooling home, that builds and nurtures strength of character in our children. This, instead filling their minds with doubt, while their eyes seek the approval of others. Dobson observes it first hand, though his own children were not homeschooled. He later says if he were to do it over again, he would home school.

My observation is that the best meaning public school teachers often find their finest aspirations to build character in students, throttled back by laws and rules and influence of the educational trends of our day. All too often, character, or the strength to decide and live based on an inner compass more than values outside of ones self, is in "desperately short supply". While these dynamics often exist in the public setting, a home based education benefits from the ability to choose otherwise. It can be an advantage for the kids, when capitalized on. How does one build character in a child at home?

Proximate Praise Promotes Progress

I am an advisor for a BSA Venture Crew. A group of about 10 young men whose purpose is to learn self-direction, leadership and teaching skills through the adventure activities that we conduct throughout the year. Several months ago, while transporting some of the crew on one of their activities, I asked them if there was a purpose behind the activity we were on or if the activity was all about just having fun. Either way would have been good for me. The answer I received surprised me.

One young man, launched into a fairly emotional tirade about activities that had no purpose, and that were only done so we could say we did them. Hiking without a purpose attached to it, was the major gripe. "I can't stand hiking just to hike." I could go on, but I got the idea that it was not enough to do something, they needed and wanted to know why.

As we have given each young man a chance to organize and lead activities, it is clear to me, that each "opportunity" is a fairly significant risk taken by them. To their credit, they seem to take the risk on as a challenge. The risk is that they will fail in front of their peers. Peer acceptance is a significant risk at this time in their lives, so I give them kudos for even attempting.

When things are running well, an adult is assigned as a coach to ensure that the particular youth leader thinks things out, prepares in advance, and organizes the flow of the event, so that it comes off well. When well prepared, the youth leader runs the event without adult intrusion and the event comes off well.

One might think that the process has ended here. In fact, I have found it has not. Even a well run activity will not contribute to the confidence level of a young man, IF he does not receive positive feedback from his peers right then. Too often, we assume that he must feel great, because we have observed from the wings, how well he has done. However, since his risk was not running the activity, but running it in front of his peers, it follows that his reward must come from them as well.





When an adult leader does not provide an opportunity for peer review and control it, by requiring that both Pro's and Con's be considered in the feedback, even a great performance can turn into a perception nightmare for the young man who was at the center of the performance.

It is critical, therefore, that two things occur. 1) Time be given at the end of an activity for feedback and reflection. 2) In a controlled fashion peers reward the risk taken with their attention and fair evaluation.

What does this have to do with home schooling? Everything. Our children don't live in a vacuum, never mind the socialization nay sayers. They do interact with others, if only other family members ie cousins, aunts and uncles. Their interaction with others can tell them indirectly, how their choices are playing out. Especially their choice to home school. If their efforts to be self directed, curious and industrious look good to us, and are pleasing to us, but go un-reinforced at the moment we observe it, the deposits into their emotional bank account will get drained off pretty quick when they interact with others. Acting from a deficit is painful for them. The result will be discouragement, personally and educationally.

Our children may claim that they don't need praise and reinforcement to continue home schooling. What they don't or won't say is that they in fact do much better when they ARE praised. Their efforts are more pleasing to them, when we observe their choices, praise them immediately as we observe their positive efforts and are verbal about it. After all, besides being our children, they are human beings as well.

We're Sailing

This may sound nuts, in fact it is nuts, but
I can't see the name "Bob" without thinking of the hilarious movie "What About Bob?" with Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss. When I need to laugh, this is still a sure fire way to get me there, no matter how many times I have viewed it. The last time we watched it, I came up with an idea that would bring me financial independence, guaranteed. A movie of our own titled, "What About Mom and Dad?" about how many people we drive crazy without even knowing it, because we home school? Maybe we are driving our kids crazy too?

I think for many of the parents who know us, we do drive them crazy. Especially the non-homeschooling ones. Crazy, because we are comfortable with the home schooling foundation that we establish with our kids from the early years. Our boys have found out at scouts and church that there isn't spell checking when writing on a black board. So they get embarrassed when they can't spell even an easy word. I drive others crazy, when I don't freak out when that happens. Ben is making our families newest version of a hover craft. This one actually works on water. That we consider this more "educational" than much of traditional book learning, I think drives some crazy.

I drive some crazy, because when they want to ascribe some level of success to our family in home schooling, I respond that so much of what we do is so normal and ordinary. They want to believe what we do is way beyond their abilities, and I don't let them off the hook that easy. Much of what we do is something any person of average intelligence can do. Just come and see for yourself, I say. They rarely do. I think they are afraid. Afraid that it IS easier than they think and if that were the case, they would have to consider it viable for them. So the whole thing drives them crazy. Meanwhile, we shuffle along.

Yet, while the content of much of our home schooling is much easier than others want to believe, there is one aspect of it that may be extraordinary.... that we were willing to try it out and have faith that it would work out. One reason we took the leap of faith was best described recently as a friend of ours, Doreen Blanding, made this comment on a home schooling list I read.

"I truly feel that home schooling has given me more knowledge and understanding than all the years I sat in a formal classroom. It is quite amazing to me how much I have learned and pointed out how much I didn't know. Terrifying at times, but wonderful most of the time because a lot of pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall in place and I'm beginning to see the picture."

ssssshhhhh! Don't tell anyone. We educate at home because, learning along side our children, WE also benefit. Crazy huh? But you musn't pass it on, it might drive others crazy, because.... we're sailing.